I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I will die if light touches me.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
