best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
