Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
