he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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