why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
