need another drink. this is the easiest way
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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