proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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