Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
