The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
