Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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