What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
