And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
