guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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