We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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