found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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