She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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