Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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