i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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