I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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