we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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