Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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