I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
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Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
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I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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