You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
