Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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