we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
