i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
