I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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