I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
