See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
These tits shall not be calmed
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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