So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
