Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
