Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
