I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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