What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
