She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
