why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
