I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So many bounce houses so little time
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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