I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
