We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
That accounts for only three of the penises
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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