Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
