At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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