she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize