I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
