thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
