Is it normal to miss your booty call?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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