i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
