Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
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Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
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He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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