Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
