i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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