Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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