:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
