just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
