Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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