I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
