So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
