I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
