There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We're not piercing ourselves today.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
