He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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