perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
