just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
