I accidentally had phone sex last night
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Say something about gay babies.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
As shirtless as possible
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
