Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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