Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
